The Last Adventurer

I have a unique skill. With both hands on the steering wheel, and without exceeding the speed limit or swerving in and out of traffic, I can convince my wife that she is in mortal danger when I am driving. So far, this skill only works on my wife, but someday; I hope to find someone who also quails in mortal terror at my boring driving. This skill of mine is so effective, that after only ten minutes of driving in New Zealand, she was again convinced that we had almost just perished. Her theory was that I had almost clipped a trashcan near the curb, placing us in mortal peril. As I had heard a similar refrain before, I chose to take a logical view of the situation.

As such, I doggedly refused to accept that the trashcan had been a threat. First, I was sure

that I had been no where near the trashcan in question. Second, I had seen the trashcan in question, and I knew that it had been plastic. So I knew that at best, it would have merely had potential to maim. Third, as I had been on the correct, New Zealand, un-American side of the road, and not veering into oncoming traffic, I felt that I had been doing a bang-up job of keeping us safe. Moreover, there were all sorts of challenges other than trashcans about driving in New Zealand.

The steering wheel was on the opposite side of the car. The rearview mirror was on my left side, not my right side. If I looked to my right, all I got was a view of oncoming traffic and maybe the countryside. Similarly, the gear-shift was on my left side, meaning that I had to shift gears with my left hand, which was completely backwards. Further, the car’s turn-signals and windshield wiper switches were reversed on the steering column. Every time I went to make a turn, the wipers came on. Every time it started to rain, I signaled to turn left or right. Fortunately, the rental company had affixed a very helpful decal to the windshield, directing me, as a dumb tourist which way to look and how to turn left and right in New Zealand. And, as a dumb tourist, I greatly appreciated any assistance I could get.